Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize