I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
The feeling are messing with the penis
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
