Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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