I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
