Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
