She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
