so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
