He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
