OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
