Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
How does one acquire holy water?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize