so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
