Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I wish there were birth control emojis
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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