i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
