remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
