I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
