I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
