We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
