I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
