she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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