Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i love accidental penises.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
