some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
