I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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