Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
