i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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