Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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