Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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