I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize