non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
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