I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
