I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
