my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
they're like a gay fantastic four
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
