my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
