Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
