Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I miss vodka workout Fridays
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
