After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
