what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
