How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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