Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
The best revenge is premature balding
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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