You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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