he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
