Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
