The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
