at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
