i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
