take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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