We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
