best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Randomize
