I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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