first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
