Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
