You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Randomize
