I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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