we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
