no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
