Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
