Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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