you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
