I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
