the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
