I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
