I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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