the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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