i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
