Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
