; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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