i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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