I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
